Hogwarts: what really happened
by KwK940
Summary: A tale of stories of what really happened.
1. Mary Sue's Big Secret

Chapter 1: Mary Sue's Big Secret  
  
It was another year at Hogwarts, and Harry, Hermoine, Ron, and the rest of the Gryffindors (except Neville; he had forgotten to come to dinner) were waiting hungrily for the feast to start after the sorting. "Come on, we're hungry!" yelled Fred.  
"I thought Dumbledore was a cold, heartless, bastard, but you sure proved me wrong." Joked Fred, right before Dumbledore hit his spoon and said  
"Can I have your attention please. We still have one more student to sort. She is in her 4th year, and is an exchange student from America. Her name is Mary Sue. I hope and expect you to treat her all with care and compassion. I will call her in to be sorted." "Mary Sue, please come in." When she walked in, every single girls jaws dropped in envy and every single guy was drooling. Mary Sue was drop dead gorgeous. She had beautiful, floating blond hair that was slightly curled. She had light periwinkle eyes that glittered. She wore robes of lavender that curved around her body smoothly around her body band showing her shiny tan legs. Her robes gave her cleavage like no tomorrow. She walked like one of those Victoria's Secret models. She sat down on the stool and put the sorting hat on her head with a fashionable tilt.  
"Gryffindor" roared the sorting hat and all the Gryffindor boys cheered. (None of the girls cheered and Hermoine looked furious) Ron and Harry were both having dreams of themselves kissing her. While they ate, she just sat there and when Ron asked why she wasn't eating. She said, " I'm to good for fattening food like this. This is fried and disgusting. I can't simply afford to gain any weight! And how rude of you to ask!" Harry thought that was kind of harsh. Mary Sue then said, "You must be Harry potter. You're famous, but nothing compared to me. I have a fan club with over 1000 members. Ha, Beat that Harry nobody." Everyone at the Gryffindor table was beginning to hate her. "Hermoine, your hair is so ugly and unlike mine. You should really think about dyeing it blond and getting plastic surgery to look like me, but I think you may be a hopeless cause! Hahahahahahahahahahahaha, They should call you Hermoine the hag!" Mary Sue rudely said. "Dean, your skin is black. When god made you, he said oops, I burned one. And Seamus, you should really get liposuction you fat pig. You're wider than you are tall! Fred and George, the gay twins. Come and see the gay twins! 25 cents a peek, but don't get too close boys, they might kiss you! But me, I'm perfect with no flaws! I'm rich. Ron you're poorer than a hobo in debt! By the end of dinner, they all hated her with great passion. The boys luckily got to go to sleep in a different dormitory than Mary Sue. The next day at breakfast, Harry, Hermoine and Ron talked. " Mary sue is a stuck up, jerk whose personality is worse than a rocks." Said Hermoine.  
"Really, I had no idea. I thought Mary Sue was very nice." He stated sarcastically. When they got to Herbology, Mary Sue answered all of Prf. Sprouts question about Mandrakes, Butuboters, and Tentaculas. Professor Sprout then said, "Mary Sue, you are the most smart and able student in this class, (Hermoine gasped) and everyone, especially Hermoine, should be more like you. The rest of the lessons were all the same: Mary Sue got praised, bragged about, and all the teachers frowned at everyone else except her. At about 9 pm, Hermoine walked into the girl' bathroom, and went in to a seemingly empty stall. What she saw was priceless! Mary Sue was standing up peeing, and she was a boy!!! Since Mary Sue didn't see Hermoine, Hermoine conjured a camera out of mid air, took a picture, and left unnoticed. She was shaking with glee! She, Hermoine, had proof that Mary Sue was a boy! She ran up to the Gryffindor dormitory, and yelled the password, "FAIRY LIGHTS!" The portrait opened, and Hermoine rushed up to Harry and Ron to say, "You won't believe what I found out about Mary Sue. Mary Sue is a boy! Here, take this picture and see for yourself!" Sure enough, the picture proved it, and Harry Hermoine, and Ron were all very happy. The next day, Mary Sue's big secret got out, and everyone was teasing her. She ran out of the school, crying hysterically, having learned about Karma. 


	2. Harry's Secret Crush

Chapter 2: Harry's secret crush  
  
After the whole Mary Sue incident, everyone was a little disturbed, but for the most part absolutely fine. It was a normal day, and Harry, Hermoine, Ron, and Neville (Harry had to remind him where the great hall was.) were all walking to Herbology. During Herbology, they used Diffindo to cut the whomping willow and trim the tentacula. Then they hurried off to history of magic (once again, Neville was late; peeves gave him wrong directions, what a surprise.) and sat staring out the window and passing notes by making paper airplanes out of the notes and putting a locomotion charm on them to fly them across the room. After that was over, they were going to transfiguration, and Harry's legs became wobbly. What would he say to her? How would he hide his love? Could he survive another class period without giving himself away? He didn't know what he was going to do or what was going to happen when he saw the woman of his dreams. They had finally reached transfiguration when he saw her. He froze at her beauty. It was McGonnagal. Beautiful, smart, sophisticated, strict, and sexy were some of Harry's descriptions of her. He loved her plain black robes, her gray hair tied in a bun, her beautiful stern but sweet hazel eyes. He loved how she was out of shape, how her boobs hung, and how her butt sagged. Minerva McGonnagal was the only woman Harry had ever loved. He was absolutely obsessed with her. On his free time, sometimes he ditched Hermoine and Ron to secretly stalk her and take pictures. He would occasional take something of hers to add to his shrine. His shrine of McGonnagal included her hair, fingernail clippings, signature, used gum, and anything else he could find that was linked to her. He kept his shrine in a secret compartment in his trunk. Sometimes he would lock the dormitory door and pray to her. He had imagined them having kids, getting married, and going on their honeymoon. His legs became jelly, and he fell on the ground. His head was spinning and he fainted. He woke up in the hospital wing with his lovers face hovering over him. McGonnagal said  
"Are you ok, Harry, dear?"(his heart leapt)  
  
"uhh, Yeah umm I'm fine." He said  
  
"I really like you Harry. Just like your father. Great man he was. You're a great guy, and keep up the good work." Harry, dazed, watched her walk out of the room. The love of his life liked him. She really liked him. Maybe only as a friend, but still, she liked him. Later that night, he went back to the dormitory, and as he lay in his bed, he thought he was the luckiest guy in the world. He fell asleep, and dreamed of him and McGonagall forever together. 


	3. The Tail of Ron

The "Tail" of Ron.  
  
It was another average day at Hogwarts, (Hermione in the library, Neville forgot to set his alarm, and Harry and Ron were making up divination; They didn't care about it anyway) Ron and Harry had just finished up making their worst month ever for a divination log.  
  
"I'm going to take a bath in the prefects bathroom, (remember, Ron is a prefect) later." Harry didn't care at all. In fact, he was happy Ron was leaving: He was planning on stocking McGonaggal this evening. Ron walked slowly to the prefects bathroom, like he had done every day for the past year, but he was starting to get nervous. What would happen if someone found out? Would Harry and Hermione still like him? He couldn't bear to think about it. When he got to the bathroom, he muttered lavender essence, because that was the password, and slowly went inside.  
  
He scanned the bathroom, confirming it was empty, and locked the door behind him. He filled the bathtub with water, and took a huge sharp razor out of his pocket, undressed, and slipped in the tub. On the side of the tub, there was a huge bottle of shaving cream. Ron got out of the tub, and layed on his stomach, revealing the huge 3 foot, red, hairy, tail coming right out of the top of his butt.  
  
That was his secret. Ron had a tail, a massive one at that, and no one knew except his parents. It wagged when he was happy, went in between his legs when sad or mad, and was very hard to hide. He had special robes made for himself, and had ties that kept it unnoticeable down his leg. He sprayed shaving cream all over it and began to shave it. When he was halfway through, he screamed. He hadn't locked the door properly, and Cho had just walked in on him. Instead of going hysterical, she came inside and closed the door. She whispered, "Why didn't you ever tell me?" "I was afraid you would freak out, so I kept it a secret." Said Ron "Well, I think it's sexy, cute, and manly. I really like you Ron." She swooped down and kissed Ron passionately and left blushing. Ron was amazed but aroused and surprised. He had always loved Cho Chang, but Harry liked her, so he tried to ignore it. He finished shaving his tail, and left. He sent her owl, saying to meet him in the room of requirement. They met there, and found themselves in a romantic room together. They layed down on the bed, made out, and Cho pet his tail for a while until it was 9:00 at night. They both left with love for each other, but with the burden of keeping a huge secret. 


End file.
